Blonde Jokes
by LunaPadma
Summary: Every day, Astoria Greengrass comes up to him and tells him another stupid joke. Every day, he doesn't get it. And yet, every day she comes back with a new one.
1. Chapter 1

Draco Malfoy, Head Boy, had just been enjoying his tea when a fifth-year girl came over. She was Daphne Greengrass's sister…Aster, maybe? No, Astoria.

She stopped in front of him and said, "A blonde walks into a store. She says, 'I want that TV in a corner.'

"The manager says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't serve to blondes.' So the blonde goes out, dyes her hair brown, and comes back.

"She says, 'I want that TV in the corner.'

"And the manager says, 'I'm sorry, but we don't serve to blondes.' So the blonde goes out, dyes her hair red, and comes back.

"She says, 'I want that TV in the corner.'

"The manager says, 'I'm sorry, we don't serve to blondes.' So she goes out, dyes her hair black, and returns.

"She says, 'I want that TV in the corner.'

"The manager says 'I'm sorry, we don't serve to blondes.'

"The blonde says, 'How do you know I'm a blonde? I've dyed my hair three times and you still know I'm a blonde!'

"The manager says, 'That's not a TV, it's a microwave.'" Astoria stood there expectantly.

Draco was confused. "What's a TV? And what's a microwave?"

Astoria turned around and stalked off to her friends.


	2. Chapter 2

The next day, Astoria walks over to Draco again. She looks exited. "How do you drown a blonde?" she asks.

Draco looks at her. She's got to be kidding, he thinks. He throws her a bone and says, "How?"

She can barely contain herself. "Glue a scratch-and-sniff to the bottom of a pool!" she laughs.

Draco stares at her blankly. "What's a scratch-and-sniff?" he asks.

She stops laughing abruptly. "It's a sticker," she explains. "You scratch it and then you smell it and it smells like something."

"Why would someone _want_ one of those?"

She looked offended. "Because they're cool. Why would you want Chocolate Frog cards?"

"Because if you build the whole collection, it's worth tons," Draco shot back.

"Whatever," Astoria grumbles. She leaves angrily.


	3. Chapter 3

An owl lands in front of Draco with an envelope in its beak. The envelope read,

_Mr. D. Malfoy_

_Three Seats Away_

_Hogwarts, Scotland, Great Britain_

It was from Astoria. In the envelope was a card that read,

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

Draco flipped over the card. The other side said,

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

Draco flipped the card over again.

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

Flip.

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

Flip.

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

_How do you keep a blonde entertained? Flip over for answer._

_Flip over for answer._

_Flip over for answer._

_Flip over for answer._

Blaise Zabini, who was sitting across from him, said, "You know it says the same thing on both sides, right?"

Draco flushed. "Of course I did."

He turned so he could see Astoria, who was sitting three seats away, and ripped the card into pieces. She laughed at him.

"It wasn't funny," he hissed.

"It was," she said, still laughing. She got up and left to her next class.

Draco gritted his teeth. It _wasn't_ funny.


	4. Chapter 4

Astoria walks up to Draco the day after the Card Incident. She was holding a butterbeer bottle.

"What do blondes and this butterbeer bottle have in common?" she asked.

"How would I know?" Draco asks.

"They're both empty from the neck up!" Astoria says, laughing.

Draco gives her a look. "I don't get it."

Astoria stops laughing. "The butterbeer bottleneck isn't filled with butterbeer," she explains. "The blonde's head isn't filled with brains."

"Blondes have brains."

"Really?"

"Without brains, you could not live. You need a brain to live and breathe and blondes are living. Therefore, there is no possible way that a blonde's head can be empty from the neck up."

"It's a joke, Draco, it's not meant to be taken literally." Astoria turns on her heel and leaves.


	5. Chapter 5

Astoria walks up to Draco and says, "How come the blonde couldn't make ice cubes?"

_Ice cubes._ What do ice cubes have to do with anything? "How come?"

"She forgot the recipe!"

"What's the recipe?"

Astoria froze. "You're kidding, right? You know how to make ice cubes?"

Draco sighed. "No I do NOT know how to make ice cubes. Why would I?"

"Hello? Water plus cold equals ice! How could you not know that?"

"When would I ever need to know that?"

"Every person on the planet and most extraterrestrials know that! Common knowledge!"

"So? I'm not common!"

"Why do I bother?" Astoria wonders out loud, throwing her hands in the air and leaving.


	6. Chapter 6

The next day, Kerri Lou Davies came over to him. She was one of Astoria's friends, he dimly remembered.

"I'm here to deliver a message from Astoria. She's in the hospital wing."

"Why is she in the hospital wing?"

"Oh, so awesome! She nearly chugged that entire bottle of Skele-Gro!"

"What?" Draco said, slightly louder than necessary.

"I'm kidding, she has the flu. But I'm here to deliver your blonde joke of the day. A blind guy in a bar says, 'Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?' The room gets silent.

"The girl next to the blind guy says, 'Look, since you're blind, you might want to know: the bartender is a blonde girl. The bouncer is a blonde girl. The woman on your left is blonde and a professional wrestler. I'm a six-foot blonde with a black belt in karate. The woman next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter. Do you still want to tell the joke?'

"The blind guy says, 'Nah, not if I have to explain it five times.'"

"I don't get it," Draco says.

Kerri laughs. "She said you might say that. She said to tell you that what the girl is implying is that if he tells the joke, everyone will beat him up. But since blondes are dumb, the blind guy doesn't want to explain it to each one, because none of them will get it,"

"I think that's rude. Imagine, beating up a blind guy!"

Kerri pulls out a large list on three rolls of parchment. She scans through it and finds what she's looking for on the third page. "Would you beat up Potter if he lost his glasses, had just made fun of you, and you had four muscled people to help?"

Draco nods. "Well, then you are no better." Kerri rolls up the list, shoves it into her bookbag and leaves.


	7. Chapter 7

Astoria returned the next day to pester him with a stupid joke.

"You recovered from your flu okay, then?" Draco asked.

She shrugs. "You know, your friend told me that you had drunk almost an entire bottle of Skele-Gro," he added.

Astoria suddenly looked murderous. "I told her to tell you, if you asked, that I was trampled by a herd of either rampaging hippogriffs, centaurs, or thestrals, if she was feeling particularly dark, not chugging a bottle of Skele-Gro!"

"Does it really matter, in the long run of things, does it?" Draco asks.

Astoria shrugs. "But your joke of the day is as follows: A blonde driver is pulled over by a blonde cop-"

"Wait," Draco interrupts. "What's a cop?"

Astoria rolls her eyes. "It's a police officer. They're like the Muggle version of the Department of Magical Law Enforcement. So, the blonde cop asks for identification.

"The blonde driver rummages around in her purse and can't find her license. 'I'm sorry, officer, I must have left it at home.'

"The cop asks, 'Well, do you have any identification on you?'

"The blonde pulls out a pocket mirror and looks into it. 'I do have this picture of me,' she says.

"The officer says, 'Let me see it.' She looks into it and says, 'Sorry. If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have stopped you!'" Astoria chuckles.

"I don't get it," Draco says. "Why does she say 'If I had known you were a police officer, I wouldn't have stopped you!' Isn't it obvious that she's not?"

"It's like this: The driving blonde looks into the mirror and sees herself, and thinks that it's a picture of herself. She hands it to the cop, who sees herself, but believes it's a picture of the other girl. She sees the cop hat and badge and is stupid enough to believe that the other girl's a cop."

"Come on, nobody's that stupid," Draco protested.

"I don't know," Astoria says, smiling. "Looked in a mirror recently?" And with that, she turns around and leaves.


	8. Chapter 8

The next day, he didn't wait for her to come to him. He went over to her. "So all this is because I'm blond?" he asks. "That's why you pester me daily?"

Astoria nods. "Trust me, if they were dumb ginger jokes, I'd be bothering the Weasleys."

"Loony Lovegood is a blonde!" Draco protests.

"And also nuts. It's rude to pester a nutjob. Besides, she might get them."

"What, and I won't?"

Astoria began laughing so hard, it took her a while to catch her breath. "They're Muggle. You know about as much about Muggles as my sock knows about astrophysics."

"Your sock doesn't have a brain," Draco said, moderately confused.

"And you're a blond. You don't have one either. Oh, since you're here, here's your blonde joke. A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are running away from a murder and the cops are after them. So they hide in a barn. The brunette hides behind a bag of dog food, the redhead hides behind a bag of cat food, and the blonde hides behind a bag of potatoes.

"The cops come into the barn and they kick the bag of dog food. The brunette goes, 'Arf, arf!'

"The cops go, 'Oh it's just a harmless little puppy!'

"They kick the bag of cat food and the redhead says, 'Meow!'

'The cops go, 'Oh it's just a harmless little kitty!'

"They kick the bag of potatoes. The blonde goes, 'Potato!'"

Draco waited, but Astoria seemed to be done. "What was the punch line?" he asked.

"Potato!" Astoria said.

"That's not a punch line, it's a vegetable," Draco said angrily.

"No, look: The brunette makes the sound of the bag of food she is hiding behind. Dog food-dog-cue 'Arf' sounds. Cat food-cat-cue 'Meow' sounds. Potatoes-potato-cue idiotic blonde making 'Potato' sounds."

"Potatoes don't make sounds."

"The blondes don't know that." Astoria shoves a thick book into her bag and leaves.


	9. Chapter 9

Astoria skips up to Draco. "So, a blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are trapped on a deserted island a few kilometers from the nearest inhabited island. The brunette tries to swim to the island, gets a quarter of the way there, gets tired, and drowns.

"The redhead tries to swim to the island, gets halfway there, gets tired, and drowns.

"The blonde tries to swim to the island, gets halfway there, gets tired and swims back."

"Why was that a 'dumb' blonde joke?" Draco asks.

Astoria gives him a blank stare. "She could have made it to the island. She didn't need to turn back."

"How was she supposed to know that she was halfway there? Before any of them should have tried to swim to the other inhabited island, they should have trained so that they could actually reach it."

Astoria opened her mouth, presumably to make some sort of annoying and/or witty comment. Then she thought about it for a moment, shut her mouth, and walked off.


	10. Chapter 10

Astoria walks up to Draco and smiles. "You might actually get this one!" she says excitedly.

Draco sighs. "It's not my fault you pick jokes that make no sense,"

"What do you call an eternity?" she asks.

"Waiting for a blonde joke that's actually funny," Draco drawls.

"No, you moron, four blondes at a four-way stop!"

"Wait…so, these four blondes all see the four-way stop. They all stop, and they just wait for someone else to go?"

Astoria nods.

"That's not funny, it's pathetic!"

"You and I have very different perceptions of the word humorous, I guess."


	11. Chapter 11

Astoria smiles evilly as she skips up to Draco. "One day, a big group of blondes met in New York to show the world that blondes aren't dumb. They asked passerby to ask any question to show that they aren't dumb.

"A man volunteers to ask questions and randomly picks someone to answer his questions. His first question is, 'What is the first month of the year?'

"The blonde answers, 'November?'

"The crowd yells, 'Give her another chance, give her another chance!'

"The man says, 'Alright. What's the capital of England?"

"The blonde answers, 'Paris?'

"The crowd yells, 'Give her another chance! Give her another chance!'

"The man says, 'Alright this is the last question. What is one plus one?'

"The blonde answers, 'Two?'

"The crowd yells, 'Give her another chance! Give her another chance!'"

Draco thinks about this for a second. "Where's New York?" he asks.

"It's one of the biggest cities in the world. It's in the US, New York State to be precise."

"They named a city after a state? Won't people get confused?"

"America's weird. And that's not the point! What'd you think of the joke?"

"Oh, I didn't pay attention. I was trying to figure out where New York was."

Astoria sighs. "You are absolutely hopeless!"


	12. Chapter 12

Astoria walks up to Draco. "I like this one," she says.

"What is it?" Draco asks, slightly preoccupied with his waffles.

"What did the blonde say when the healer told her she was pregnant?"

"What?"

"Is it mine?"

"Actually, what with the advent of surrogacy, that's a legitimate question. Imagine if the blonde had become a surrogate but had no idea if the egg had taken. Then she had sex. She wanted to know who was the baby's mother."

"Well, there was no surrogacy involved," Astoria says through gritted teeth.

"You should have said that before you started the joke."

"It was implied." With that, Astoria storms off to her friends.


	13. Chapter 13

"So there's this magic mirror in a bar, right?" Astoria says, skipping up to him.

"O…kay? Is this one of your jokes?"

"Yeah. So there's this magic mirror."

"How's it magic?"

"I'm getting to that. Geez. So if you say something in front of it that's a lie, it sucks you into it."

"That's not possible."

"It's what Muggles think about magic. It's not a history book."

"Fine. What's the rest of this joke?'

"A brunette walks up to the mirror and says, 'I think I'm the most beautiful girl in the world.' And she was sucked into the mirror."

"But she knew it was a lie, so she's clearly suicidal. Nobody's that narcissistic."

"Whatever. Then a redhead walks up to the mirror-"

"Is she a Weasley?"

"She's a Muggle, so no. The redhead walks up to it and says, 'I think I'm the smartest person in the world.' And she was sucked into the mirror."

"So she's suicidal, too."

"No. And then the blonde walks up to it and says, 'I think…' And she was sucked in."

Draco thought for a moment. "So, is this another one where blondes can't think? Sorta like that bottle one?"

"No, you idiot! The bottle one is saying she has no brains! This one says she can't think."

"I don't know, you can't really think if you have no brains, right?"

"_You're_ doing it, aren't you?"


	14. Chapter 14

"Ready for your daily blonde joke?" Astoria asks excitedly.

"No," Draco responds.

"That sucks. So, there's a blonde sitting next to a businessman for a really long train ride. The businessman decides to have a little fun with the blonde, _by playing a mind game," _Astoria adds sternly, after seeing the barely-concealed chortle Draco is suppressing.

"Sorry," Draco says, not sorry at all.

"The blonde just wants to go to sleep and so she finally agrees to play the game and the businessman explains the rules: if he asks a question and she can't answer it, she has to pay him five galleons. If she asks a question that he doesn't know the answer, he will pay her fifty galleons. So the businessman asks, 'What's the distance from the earth to the moon?' The blonde hands him five galleons.

"The blonde asks, 'What goes up a hill on three legs and comes down with four?' The businessman looks through nearly every book on the train and even starts owling friends and coworkers, but none of them know the answer. Finally, he wakes up the blonde and hands her fifty galleons. The blonde puts the money away, says 'thanks', and goes back to sleep.

"Frustrated, the business man wakes up the blonde and says, 'Well, what's the answer?'

"The blonde reaches into her bag, hands five galleons to the businessman and goes back to sleep."

Draco asks, "What was the answer to her riddle?"

"That's just the thing," Astoria says, "she didn't have an answer. Great way to make money, though. The businessman never said you had to have an answer."

"That's stupid," Draco remarks.

"You're stupid."


	15. Chapter 15

"So, Draco, you wanna hear a blonde joke?" Astoria asks.

"You'll tell it to me anyway, won't you?" Draco asks. Astoria nods. "Fine, what is it?"

"What do you get when you give a blonde a knut for her thoughts?" Astoria asks.

"What?" Draco asks.

"Change."

"That doesn't make sense. You can't get change for a knut, unless you convert it into Muggle money. And why would you give someone a knut for their thoughts anyway?"

"It's a Muggle expression-penny for your thoughts."

"So…the blonde doesn't have enough thoughts to even be worth a knut?"

"Yep."

"These jokes are getting really predictable."

"And yet you still don't get them." Astoria turns on her heel and walks out.


	16. Chapter 16

Astoria walks up to Draco and says, "So a blonde is driving down an old country road."

Draco sighs. "Look, Astoria, I'm really not in the mood. Can we just, I don't know, skip today, and you can give me two tomorrow?"

Astoria gives him a look that says 'You moronic imbecile'. "I have a streak to maintain."

"A streak, huh?" Draco asks. "Of telling blonde jokes?"

"You think this is easy? I have to sneak in Muggle joke books, and then I have to find non-perverted ones, because apparently blondes can't just be stupid, no, they have to be total sluts too."

"They do?" Draco asks, sniggering. A glare from Astoria silences him. "Fine, let's hear this joke. Blonde driving down country road."

"She sees a blonde in a rowboat, rowing herself along. The blonde gets out of the car and starts to yell at the blonde in the rowboat. 'You stupid blonde!' she screams. 'People like you are the reason blondes are considered so stupid!'

"'If I could swim, I would so come after you and beat you up!'"

"Was there some sort of river or pond or something running along the old country road?"

"Nope, she's just rowing along in some sort of corn field."

"She must be built."

"So the entire joke to remark on and you come up with 'she must be built'? That's it?"

"Well, I'm wondering about the perverted jokes, actually, but I think if I asked for some of those you'd yell at me."

Astoria mutters something under her breath that could be taken as 'Ma'am date', or at least, rhymed with that. Then she walked away.


	17. Chapter 17

"Hey," Astoria says.

"Is this another one of your jokes?" Draco asks warily.

"No!" Astoria says, looking offended. "Why can't I come over and say hi to a friend? I swear, you are just like my ex-boyfriend!"

"First off, you only started talking to me because of these jokes. And second off, you have a boyfriend?"

"Had. We broke it off over the summer. And then I say hi to him and all my friends just look at me, like 'why are you talking to that horrible excuse for a man?' And I was all, guys I broke up with him! We're still friends! And they totally didn't believe me. Like we weren't friends for three years before he even asked me out! That doesn't go away overnight!"

"Okay. Hi. Is that it?"

"No, I have a joke, too. But you shouldn't just assume that I would always have a joke!"

"You told me that you had a streak to maintain yesterday."

"Still!"

"Fine, whatever. I assumed. What's the joke?"

"Did you hear the joke about the smart blonde?"

"Well, there was that one with the swimmer, she was smart, and depending on the context the pregnant lady could be considered smart, but still, there's obviously a case against her. But yes, I have technically heard a joke about a smart blonde."

"No! You're supposed to say 'no'!"

"O…kay? Start it over then. This time I'll say no."

"Did you hear the joke about the smart blonde?"

"No."

"Yeah, me neither."

"So why'd you ask me about it?"

"It's a joke, you imbecile!"

"How?"

"There are no smart blondes to even joke about!"

"We've established that!"

"Good!" And with that Astoria walked off.

Why was she so angry anyway? Maybe she was PMS-ing.


	18. Chapter 18

The next morning, Draco sits next to Pansy. "Hey, you know Astoria Greengrass?" he asks.

Pansy nods. "Daphne's sister, right?"

"Yeah. Was she dating someone last year?"

"Theo Nott, wasn't it?" Pansy says, buttering her pancakes.

"Okay, I got a pretty good blonde joke today. You should get it, provided you know what a train is," Astoria says, walking up. "You do know what a train is, right?"

"Yes, I know what a train is. We _get here_ on one!"

"Just making sure. Gee. What's your problem?"

"You think I'm some sort of idiot all the time! I'm actually pretty smart!" Draco explodes.

"Honey, you didn't know how to make ice cubes until two weeks ago."

"Still!"

"Can I tell the joke yet?" she asks.

"Fine, go ahead."

"So three blondes are hiking through the woods, right? And they come across some tracks."

"What kind of tracks?" Draco asks. "Train tracks, rabbit tracks? What tracks?"

"I'm getting there! Cool your jets, honestly. So the first blonde-"

"Emily," Draco interrupts.

"What?"

"None of these blondes ever have names. Can't they have names for once?"

"Fine. Emily says, 'Oh look, Elk tracks!'

"And the second blonde-"

"Jacqueline."

"And Jacqueline says, 'No, they're deer tracks.'

"And the third blonde-"

"Tatiana."

"And Tatiana says, 'You're both wrong, they're moose tracks.'

"All three of them were still arguing when the train hit them."

"How do you mix up deer tracks and train tracks?" Draco asks.

"They're blondes. And, I mean, they are both tracks."

"They should've believed Tatiana, she was clearly a Russian and therefore familiar with tracks," Draco says.

"What? Emily's spent every school holiday hiking in the Canadian wilderness! And they don't even have moose in Russia!"

"Then how did Emily mistake train tracks for elk tracks? And of course there are moose in Russia!"

"_Maybe_ elk is slang for-oh wow, that was a weirdly intense conversation for a joke."

"Yeah…your joke still wasn't funny."

"What? What's not funny about blondes getting hit by a train?"

"The fact that they got hit by a train."

"It was a toy train!"

"What was a toy train doing in the woods?"

"Did I say woods? I meant FAO Schwarz."

"Now you're just making stuff up. And what is FAO Schwarz anyway?"

"Like you have room to talk, Mr. Emily, Jacqueline, and Tatiana. And it's a toy store."

"Fine! I'm a hypocrite."

"Glad you admit it," Astoria says with a smile. The bell rings. "Oh, Merlin, I forgot to do my Muggle Studies paper."

"On what?" Draco asks.

"The Horrible Effects of Muggle Culture on Wizards. Lame, right?"

"Well you could always write about the psychological effects of their jokes on young, impressionable wizards," Draco says.

"What? What would I write about? Besides, last time I talked about hallucinogenic mushrooms and their place in Muggle culture, I got marked off because she didn't know what hallucinogenic meant. I now avoid words over three syllables. See you tomorrow!" Astoria says as she speedwalks to Muggle Studies.

"Bye," Draco says.


	19. Chapter 19

In order to continue his quest to find out more about Astoria, Draco decides to sit next to Theodore Nott the next day. "You and Astoria Greengrass dated, didn't you?" he asks.

"Yeah," Theo said. "She broke up with me."

"Why?" Draco asked.

Theo tapped his left forearm. "Said she didn't want to date one of them."

"So this one's different," Astoria says. "Hi, Theo."

"Hi," he says.

"You ready for your joke?"

"Sure, whatever," Draco says.

"A brunette walks into a Healer's office-" Astoria says.

"You messed up," Draco says. "You said brunette."

"I said brunette on purpose! Let me finish the joke!"

"Fine. Brunette walks into a Healer's office."

"And says 'Healer, wherever I touch my body it hurts.'"

"Delayed-reaction Cruciatus," Theo said knowledgably.

"What?" Astoria asks.

"Also known as 'Self-inflicted Cruciatus'? Wherever the recipient's skin comes in contact with their own skin, they're hit with horrible pain. Never heard of it?" Draco asks.

"Do you and your creepy cult-club thing just go looking for curses like that?" Astoria asks, a bit sickened.

"Passed down orally through the Malfoy family," Draco says.

"You people are sickening," she says, more than a bit creeped out by now.

"Sorry, Stor," Theo says. "Keep going with this…whatever it is."

"She takes her finger and touches her elbow and screams in agony. She touches her knee and screams. She touches her ankle and screams. This goes on and on."

"Delayed-reaction Cruciatus, I'll bet you anything," Draco whispers to Theo.

"So the Healer says to the brunette, 'You're not really a brunette, are you?'"

"I don't understand why her hair color matters," Theo says.

"See, Astoria here has found a wealth of jokes making fun of the blondes of the world. And she enjoys tormenting us blondes," Draco explains.

"Not all blondes, just you. I mean, the guy doesn't get them, which just makes it better!" Astoria explains.

"Finish the joke," Theo says. "I bet this one's good."

"The brunette says, 'No, I'm actually a blonde'.

"The Healer says, 'I thought so. Your finger's broken.'"

Theo snorts, which soon turned to full-blown laughter.

"He's doing this on purpose," Draco says.

"No, he isn't. Theo sucks at fake laughter," Astoria says. "Let's face it. My jokes are funny and you're too stupid to get them."

"Stop insulting me!"

"No," Astoria says. With a smile, she walks off to her first class.


	20. Chapter 20

"Hey, Draco," Astoria says.

"Stor, it's the last day before Easter break. Can I please have a day off?"

"What did you call me?"

"Stor?"

"The only people who get to call me Stor are Theo and my sister. And I don't think you're either of them."

"Fine, _Ria_."

"Whatever. Here's your joke. A smart blonde-"

"You said smart blonde!" Draco says triumphantly. "You admit they exist!"

"Actually, I have a joke about a smart blonde, but I'm saving that for after Easter break. This one, you won't find out more about unless you actually let me tell it!"

"Fine, go ahead."

"A smart blonde, a dumb brunette, and Santa Claus fall off a cliff. Who hits the ground first?"

"They all hit the ground at the same time. That's one of those Laws of Gravity!"

"Just say 'who'!"

"Fine! Who?"

"Trick question! None of them can hit the ground first, because none of them exist!"

"Who's Santa Claus?"

"He's this fat, old Muggle guy. He goes into houses and leaves lots of toys for good boys and girls on Christmas. You leave out milk and cookies for him."

"How does he get in?" Draco asks, horrified.

"Through the chimney."

"They have creepy old men who sneak into their house? Do they also take chocolate frogs from strangers?"

"It's a time-honored childhood tradition!" Astoria says.

"Pedophiles?" Draco asks. "That's the time-honored tradition of Muggles?"

"It's hard to explain. I'm not doing it justice. Look, I have to go, see you tomorrow!" Astoria says as she walks off.


End file.
